


Last to know

by LtLime23



Series: Beyond the Archon [3]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Emotional Baggage, F/F, Fluff, LGBTQ Themes, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 08:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10895721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtLime23/pseuds/LtLime23
Summary: With Liam's departure the Pathfinder team is a man down, the obvious choice is Scott.  Whilst Sara Ryder can't wait to have her brother aboard the Tempest she is struggling to deal with the emotional baggage she's carried across dark space.





	1. For the Most Part

**Author's Note:**

> So after a brief diversion we are back aboard the narrative train.
> 
> The next few pieces will deal with the vacation so expect lots of domestic fluff and general cute Sara/Lexi down time.
> 
> This work does contain some pretty heavy themes, nothing graphic but just a warning that some people may consider some of the writing to be trigger material.

“Twelve days Pathfinder, that’s all I can give you. Please send my regards to your crew, the Tempest and Pathfinder team are doing valuable work which all at the Initiative appreciate. Safe travels and I will see you on the Nexus in due course.” 

Ryder watched as the hologram of Director Tann faded from view, she let her head sag and blew out her cheeks, at least it was something, she thought. The crew of the Tempest were at breaking point, the Liam debacle had been the final straw, everyone needed a rest, time to decompress. After much toing and froing Sara had managed to get Tann to agree to a proper vacation, the Tempest needed some urgent repairs and upgrades, plus there was the small matter of welcoming Liam’s replacement aboard, the choice was straightforward and obvious but Ryder’s personal circumstances meant she was hesitant and a little unsure how to proceed.

There’s only so many times you can turn a person’s world upside down or rip the carpet from under their feet before the mental trauma catches up, relationships change, personalities which once blended so well become disjointed. Could she be responsible for that? After all the pain, confusion and hurt, all the effort of rebuilding she could lose it all in an instant. Sara felt her stomach knot, for the first time in her life she was starting to find herself, starting to relax and feel happiness, but the choices she was making had consequences that she wasn’t sure she could live with.

Sara silently moved through the Tempest, her meeting with Tann had been late, reaching the upper walkway of the cargo bay the Pathfinder stopped and leaned on the railings surveying the scene before her. The Nomad was at rest, it’d need a new set of tyres she noted as she let her eyes follow the curves of the armour plating. Ryder drew patterns in the dust, dents and scratch marks as she let her mind settle. She loved these moments alone on the ship, the hum of the engine throbbing through her like a heartbeat. This place had become home, so many memories wrapped up in such a small area. The Tempest gave Ryder an array of conflicting feelings, so often her skin would tingle with the buzz of excitement as they swooped through a new galaxy, pioneers exploring the next horizon, the ultimate freedom. Other times the oppressive closeness of crewmates, emotional and tired made her chest tighten as if she were being suffocated, for the most part though, there was no place she’d rather be.

\---------------------------

Cora Harper was doing her pre-bed routine, she liked to take a mug of milky tea for a stroll round the Tempest, letting the warming comfort nuzzle through her hands to her soul. These five minutes to herself gave her a moment of peace. Stepping into the cargo bay she knew she wasn’t alone, looking up she saw a pensive Pathfinder staring into the middle distance. Taking the elevator up, Cora wished she had a second cup.

“Can’t sleep?” she asked.  
“Haven’t tried yet” a small smile “I had a late vid call with Tann, just wanted to enjoy the ship a little, sometimes I don’t think I appreciate these moments enough.”  
Cora rested her elbows on the railings, her hands gently tingling from the still hot tea. “Is everything OK?” she asked.

Ryder nodded “for the most part, Tann has granted my request for a decent vacation, I’ll send a message round before I hit the hay, we’ll head to Meridian tomorrow then you’ve got twelve days to yourself. It’s time everyone had a little time and space to themselves, the last few months have been hard.”

Cora took in the news, she’d been watching all the crew carefully and Ryder was absolutely right, they were all exhausted and had been running on empty for a while, arguments broke out easily and even the Lieutenant had found herself losing focus in combat. “That’s a great call, thank you” she meant it.

“The Tempest will get some modifications and a good clean whilst we’re away and it’s the opportunity we need to welcome Liam’s replacement on board” Sara continued “Tann has agreed the obvious choice is Scott now that he has finally been signed off medical.”

“That’s great news Sara, I bet he can’t wait to find his place in the team” Cora paused, thinking carefully before she continued “you said ‘for the most part’ what’s the bad news?”  
Cora wasn’t blind to the subtle ripple of tension which passed through Sara. The Pathfinder looked down at the Nomad once more, “it’s errm, a personal thing Cora, I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it.” Sara’s tone wasn’t aggressive or dismissive, but Cora knew the topic was closed for discussion. Harper gently reached out to squeeze Sara’s shoulder “no problem, if you want to talk you know where I am”  
“Thanks Cora” Ryder smiled “really, I mean it.”  
Cora accepted the smile before continuing on her meander through the decks, her tea finally cool enough to drink.


	2. Stormclouds

Sara lay on one of the couches in the meeting room, she’d just finished drafting the message to the crew detailing the vacation plans and assignment of Scott to the Tempest, pressing ‘send’ she put the datapad to one side, exhaled and lost herself in the stars above her. 

Ryder knew Lexi had already turned in for the night and would be surfing the line between consciousness and the sleepy abyss, part of her waiting expectantly for the comforting weight and warmth of the Pathfinder climbing in next to her.

Not tonight, Sara thought, a tear escaped the corner of her eye as she lost herself in the black void of space. She knew that if she went down to her quarters Lexi would snuggle in asking her about her day, the meeting with Tann. Questions would be asked which Sara wasn’t ready to answer, the memories which swirled at the peripheral of her consciousness, looming like storm clouds, threatening to deluge her in thoughts and feelings she’d worked so hard to push to one side. Whilst the Pathfinder knew she couldn’t hide forever, for tonight at least she would weather the storm alone.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sara double checked the safety lines to her harness, giving the webbing straps a final tug, feeling the twang of tension. Satisfied she lay back on the portaledge, covering herself in the lightweight down duvet, she lived for these moments. The fading rays of the setting sun reflected orange and red off the granite rock face which served as their bed for the night. The height gave panoramic views across the canyon, below the dig site was caste in shadow, the excavation team would already be settling in for the night. The air smelt warm and sweet, and the rock radiated the day’s heat creating a bubble of perfection only Sara and her climbing partner were privy to. 

As Ryder lay back she felt the warm glow of physical satisfaction wash over her, the days climbing had been hard, her shoulders ached and her forearms throbbed, still hard with blood from all the tiny crimps she’d had to make as the pair ascended. The route was well within her ability, the safety gear placement had been easy and fluid. The hardest part was the constant hauling of rope, but the rhythm and routines felt natural. Sara could lose herself climbing, the height didn’t bother her, in a strange way she didn’t think about it, her mind consumed by the feedback from hands and feet, fingertips searching out the micro ledges which to the naked eye looked like nothing but to the well-trained digits of a seasoned climber could easily support her weight. Sara felt at peace with her mind and body working as one, steadily working higher and higher. In the morning, they’d climb the final pitch to the top before making a quick dash down the scrub trails, making it back to camp in time for breakfast and the start of their shift.

Sara felt her climbing partners weight shift towards her, his breath hot on her cheek. “I’m so glad I’m here with you” he said, his hand moved under her covering, across her stomach and came to rest on the curve of her waist. Ryder could feel the coarse callouses of his hand, a stark contrast to the delicate skin of her midriff. Her breath shortened as an icy chill swept through her, static started to fill her mind. “You have a wonderful figure” he continued “I didn’t expect it, when I first saw you without your armour, it blew my mind” his hand had started to drift upwards, Sara stared into the darkening sky above, her mind screaming whilst her body remained silent. “When I saw you in your sports bra, I went back to my bunk and jacked off, I’ve been thinking about you Sara, imagining us together, you don’t know how much it means that you asked me here.”

Sara sat bolt upright, her Initiative shirt clung to her, soaked in cold sweat, she was breathing hard, panic running through her, she felt the walls fall inwards. Her knees trembled as she stood up, she headed to the crew bathroom. Running warm water into the sink she rinsed her face, not daring to look in the mirror, letting the water cool on her skin and following the echoes of the drips which fell from her face. The sob which caught in the back of her throat was overwhelming, she bit the side of her cheek hard, letting the metallic taste of blood ground her, knuckles white on the edge of the sink. She shook her head, he’s been dead 600 years, she thought, if only that were true, it felt like yesterday and her memory knew just how to take her back to that rock face and her 18-year-old self.


	3. Demon Hunting

Ryder fixed herself some cereal in the galley, leaning against the side board waiting for the milk to be absorbed giving just the right level of sogginess and crunch. She felt Lexi come in, not even needing to look up, the sound of her unique gait enough of a telegraph for an observant partner.

“Morning” a single word yet Sara felt the weight of concern from Lexi. The Doctor step towards her to lay a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek, Sara clenched her jaw against the tears which threatened to come.  
“You look like death” Lexi busied herself making herbal tea, she knew better than to ask Sara what was bothering her or why she hadn’t come to bed last night. The dishevelled look of the Pathfinder was enough to tell her she’d slept badly, probably on a couch in the meeting room, at least she didn’t smell of booze.  
“Yeah, I’ve felt better” Ryders voice was small, meek almost, like she didn’t want to be heard or didn’t feel like she should be heard. Lexi studied her closely, Sara’s skin was pale, clammy, her eyes looked distance, her body language tense, in all their time together she’d never seen her like this. Despite being so close Lexi felt like there was an impassable chasm between them.

“I’ll be here when you’re ready” it was all Lexi could say, she was squeezing the life out of the tea bag in her cup, her heart breaking at the obvious pain Ryder was in, she couldn’t force it though, she knew it was the last thing Sara needed. Ryder gave her a curt nod, staring hard at the last remaining bits of cereal floating in the milk dregs.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sara dropped her holdall on the floor as soon as she entered the small apartment on the Hyperion. For the most part she’d managed to avoid extensive contact with her crew, she’d done what she had to before packing up her belongings and escaping here. Kicking off her boots, Sara stripped out of her clothes and headed for the shower, she washed quickly, enjoying the warm embrace of a fluffy towel, they never felt like this on the Tempest she thought.

Pulling on some shorts and a hoodie Ryder collapsed onto the bed, hugging a pillow close, she let the tears that had been building all day finally come. Her body shook as she wept, great soul shattering shockwaves of hurt. She cried with grief for her Mother and Father, what she’d give to be their carefree little girl again. What she’d give to have her Mother push the hair from her damp eyes and sooth her woes with words of kindness. She cried for the choices she’d been forced to make, the people she’d killed, those she couldn’t save but most of all she wept for her naïve teenage self, pushed over the cusp of adulthood with violent expectation.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------  
Sara desperately tried to keep her body from trembling, just stay still she told herself, don’t do anything, don’t say anything, don’t make him angry. The hand which was cupping her breast felt like a white-hot iron on her skin, she could hardly breath, her mind closed inwards, she could feel in that moment her body erect towering defences. Wall upon wall entrenched and encircled her very essence, you can touch my body but you can’t touch this her mind screamed in defiance. As Sara fell into herself, locking door after door, continuing deeper inside herself until she was so cocooned in her fortifications that she couldn’t feel him on her, she couldn’t feel anything, nothing at all, it was the protection she needed, you can’t be hurt if you can’t feel it.

Sara sprang out of bed away from the arms which were wrapped around her, stifling her, she felt the cold wall hit her back as she slid down to the floor trying to steady her breathing, her eyes adjusting to the gloom.

Lexi rolled over and flicked on the bedside lamp, the comforting glow caste long shadows around the apartment.   
“Sara?” Lexi questioned, she cautiously moved out of bed towards the quivering body of the Pathfinder. Using the gentlest biotic lift she could muster the Doctor guided Sara back onto the bed where she wrapped her partner in her arms. She felt Ryder’s hands wrap around her body, grabbing fistfuls of her pyjama shirt, clinging as though her life depended on it.

“Hey, it’s OK” Lexi whispered laying gentle kisses across Sara’s face, “whatever it is, it’ll be OK, we’ve faced so much already, whatever demon is haunting you, I’m here.” Lexi felt Sara relax into her, the human nuzzled into her neck, silent tears puddling in the nook of Dr T’Perro’s collar bone.  
The asari swallowed her concern, closing her eyes she focused on making her breaths long, slow and deep, pulling Sara into a calming rhythm, letting her troubled soul find peace in sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Relief washed over Sara as she awoke to find herself in Lexi’s embrace, she reached, kissing that beautiful smile, focusing on the sensation of a simple caress, trying to hold on to the calmness which she found on those lips.

Lexi stirred, enjoying the moment of familiar companionship “I love you” she murmured, still half asleep.  
“I love you too” Sara replied, kissing Lexi’s shoulder where she was snuggled in.

“Tell me what’s going on up here” Lexi said, gently letting her lips linger on Sara’s forehead. 

Ryder sighed, “I know we need to talk” she said rolling onto her back and pushing back her hair “I knew this point would come but I’ve been avoiding thinking about it because something so simple opens so many doors that I’ve worked pretty hard to keep shut.” Although Sara was trying to keep her voice steady the stress was clear to Lexi.

Rolling onto her side, Lexi placed a hand on Ryder’s chest, feeling the pounding of her heart “why don’t you just start at the beginning and we’ll go from there” Lexi said softly.  
Sara took a deep breath “Scott is joining the Tempest’s crew, which is great, he belongs in the Pathfinder Team, but” Sara hesitated “he doesn’t know about us.”  
Lexi couldn’t suppress the look of confusion, her and Ryder had been seeing each over for nearly six months and Sara hadn’t told her Brother? It didn’t make sense, the siblings were so close, they literally talked all the time, could almost read each other’s minds. “Why haven’t you told him” she asked, finally settling on a question.

“Well, he errm, he doesn’t know…” Sara faltered.  
“You’re gay?” Lexi finished.  
“Yeah, he doesn’t know I’m gay, and well, he thinks one of the main reasons I came to Andromeda was because I was heartbroken over a guy.” Sara finished.

“OK, you might need to fill in some gaps for me Sara” Lexi was trying to be gentle but this all felt very odd.  
“I don’t know if I can talk about it” Ryder pleaded, she didn’t want to be weak in front of Lexi, she knew if they started down this path it was irreversible and Lexi might not appreciate what she found at the end of it.  
“Show me then” Lexi whispered, she relaxed her mind, letting it reach out in search of Sara. Ryder inhaled and let herself fall into Dr T’Perro’s waiting embrace.  
The pair sat on a simple wooden bench, Sara’s hands gripped the edge as though if she relaxed she’d fall into a swirling black hole. Lexi remained calm, and lay a hand on top of Sara’s.

“Are you sure about this Lexi” Ryder asked, “it’ll change things.”  
“I’m by your side wherever you take me Sara” Lexi reassured her.

There they were, watching the sun setting on a younger Sara Ryder, her body language relaxed as she drank in the beautiful vista before her, the world falling away from the rock face. Lexi didn’t understand, she’d never seen Sara look so at peace, so content, it was like the Doctor was seeing a side of her partner for the very first time.  
Then she felt it, the chill which washed over them, not from the setting sun, no this was resonating from the very centre of Sara. For a moment, Lexi didn’t understand what was happening, the fading light making it difficult, as her eyes adjusted Lexi’s mouth fell open in horror.

They watched as Sara’s climbing partner violated her, suspended hundreds of meters above the sleeping encampment. Lexi felt like she was freefalling, she gripped Sara’s hand, trying to hold on, but she could barely feel a thing, it was like the whole world had become muffled. 

Darkness, and an overwhelming sense of loss, the silent scream of Sara’s soul ripped through them both. 

Lexi didn’t know when she started crying, the hot tears stung her face as she looked at Sara, the woman she loved so deeply, lying still next to her, hurting beyond anything the Kett could dream of inflicting.

“I couldn’t get a transfer, I had to stay at that encampment with him for 3 months. I couldn’t get away from him, he made out to everyone we were an item.” Sara stated, answering the unspoken questions which hung in the air. “I thought when I finished that rotation I’d never see him again, but when I visited Scott and he walked out of his room, turns out they were best friends, Adam and Scott, two peas in a pod. Scott was over the moon that this kind, intelligent, handsome guy had swept his big sister off her feet.”

Lexi’s mind was reeling, she pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “Sara, I… I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say” all her years of training and she’d never expected Sara to disclose something like this. It all added up though, Sara being so reserved in her affections, desperately wanting to let go physically and mentally but not being able to. You should have known, Lexi cursed herself.

“You don’t need to apologise for him Lexi” Ryder turned towards her partner “I’ve never told anyone, don’t think that just because you’re a psychologist you should have known, you’re good but you don’t have a crystal ball.”

Lexi sighed “I know, but, I can’t believe you kept this hidden during the meld.”  
“I have to work hard, I’m scared of what would happen if I lost control, where I’d take you, what you’d see and feel.” Sara held the hand that still lay on her chest, a comforting connection.

Lexi swallowed back the lump in her throat, Sara didn’t trust herself to be free with her, to let go, the Doctor knew better than to take it personally but it still hurt to think this incredible woman was fighting a battle against herself as well as the battle for Heleus.

“How did it end?” Lexi asked, not entirely sure she wanted to hear the answer. 

“It only ended because I nearly killed him” Sara pulled at the edges of Lexi’s consciousness.

Lexi’s heart burst at the familiar sounds and smells of Omega, the stifling heat of Afterlife, crammed full of revellers.  
“Scott brought me here to celebrate my 19th birthday, we came to escape home, Mom was in a bad way and Dad, well he was being his usual distant self.” Sara explained.  
Lexi noticed, Adam was there too, he was always there. They watched as the trio drank shot after shot to forget about life. The boys deep in conversation Sara let her eyes drift across the crowds. Lexi felt the pull of attraction a young woman, leather trousers and a white shirt, short scruffy hair and dark eyes. Sara moving towards her, falling in line with the moment of the stranger’s body as they danced, the beat of the music pulsing through them, bodies grinding closer, the moment they kissed, hungry tongues finding one another, hands roaming bodies. 

Lexi’s mouth went dry as she saw Sara’s shoulder being tugged backwards as Adam grabbed her wrist pulling her outside to a deserted alleyway, Ryder snatching up a bottle from an empty table on her way past.

“What the fuck was that?” Adam screamed inches from her face “You’re mine you stupid bitch, I own you.”

Lexi watched as Sara’s biotics flash through her sending Adam crashing against the wall winding him. Sara didn’t used her biotic to throw the bottle she was holding at his head, that was propelled by the anger and rage which coursed through her. It shattered on impact, blue glass penetrating skin, shredding it to ribbons, and so much blood.

Scott had arrived out of nowhere “what happened” he slurred.  
“This fucker just got bottled by some girls disgruntled boyfriend” Sara glared at Adam, daring him to contradict her “make sure I never have to see his cheating face again Scott.” With that she’d turned and left.

Sara brought herself back to reality, she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “If I tell Scott about us, he’ll ask if this is some bat shit reaction to Adam breaking my heart. Scott can’t know what he did, it’d kill him, he was already devastated that his best friend would cheat on me.”

Lexi couldn’t believe that despite so much anguish Sara Ryder was still trying to protect others.

“I’d hoped I’d never have to relive any of this ever again, guys been dead 600 years, how do I tell my little Brother that I’m in love with a wonderful woman without destroying everything he’s ever known, which for the record has been a repetitive feature of our time in Andromeda so far.”

Lexi looked into the worried eyes of her partner, the mornings revelations had rocked her to her core. “I suppose we just have to hope that Scott is half the Ryder you are Sara” Lexi continued “I know it sounds selfish but I can’t lose you.” Lexi felt Sara squeeze her hand, the Pathfinder rolled towards her, kissing her, the salt from both their tears stinging their lips. “You’re not going to lose me Lexi” Sara sighed “I just, well, coming out to my Brother wasn’t exactly high on my list of things to do, I know it’ll be fine eventually but I’m just scared.”


	5. Upping his game

Lexi made tea, it’s what humans did in times of emotional stress, they made tea. Dr T’Perro tried to digest the mornings news, watching as the milk bloomed in light clouds against the backdrop of the amber liquid.

“Your turn” Sara called, bringing Lexi from her thoughts.  
“Here” Lexi handed Sara a mug before heading to the shower. A warm shower, clean clothes and tea started to make Sara feel almost human again.

A knock at the door “Hey Sara, it’s Scott” despite everything that was going through her mind Sara couldn’t help but smile at her Brother’s voice, she missed him and couldn’t wait to have him as part of her team again.

She opened the door and flung her arms around him. “Hey little Bro” she teased “man I’m so happy to see you” she beamed.  
“Hey, you too, and wow am I excited to finally get on the Tempest!” Scott exclaimed his eyes twinkling. “So I just stopped by because I have something to show you, meet me in an hour, you’ll need your boots” Scott gave his sister a final squeeze and headed out.

“Who was that?” Lexi asked as she stepped out of the shower, the white towel contrasting with the soft blue of her skin.  
“Scott” Sara stated, taking a gulp of tea before walking towards Lexi “we’re meeting up in an hour.” Sara rested her hands on the towelled hips of her lover “you know I will never tire of this view Dr T’Perro” Sara uttered as she kissed the stray water droplets from Lexi’s neck.  
“And I will never tire of feeling you want me” Lexi whispered letting her mouth find Sara’s earlobe “but I’m meeting Harry in twenty minutes.”  
Sara pulled back, resting her forehead on Lexi’s “later?”  
“Later” Lexi affirmed.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scott watched his sister approach, she was wearing her AI pants, boots and a t-shirt, a backpack slung over one shoulder, probably housing water and a jumper, Sara was a good girl scout, always prepared. Whilst her hair was its usual messy state Scott noticed how tired she looked but she still smiled with her eyes when they greeted each other.

“All set?” he asked  
“Lead on, I’m excited and intrigued, you know I love surprises” Sara replied.

The pair left the Hyperion, walking out into the warm morning sunlight, they meandered their way through the sleepy hubbub of the outpost buildings which had sprung up creating the first settlement on Meridian, Sara marvelled at how much had been achieved in such a short space of time.  
The climb up through the luscious foliage was hard but satisfying, the siblings exchanging stories, talking freely, their laughter filling the air as they teased and goaded one another. 

Scott halted progress, the soft sheen of sweat glittering on his brow. “OK, so it’s just around this corner, in a clearing, I’ve been working on it with some friends from the Initiative, I hope you like it Sis” he was smiling, barely able to contain his excitement.  
As they cleared the bend in the track the woodland gave way to a clearing, Sara found herself stood on a soft grassy outcrop, the world falling away to her left gave a spectacular view across Meridian, the sheer cliff face of the continuing mountain cocooned this little oasis, it felt safe and secure, the perfect armchair to sit and wonder at the beauty of their new home.

“Pretty spectacular isn’t it” Scott said  
“It’s wonderful” Sara breathed.

Scott took her hand and lead her towards the base of the cliff, nestled at the base, with a perfect view over the vista was a small building, it looked like a heavily modified Initiative prefab. 

“It took some arm twisting but Addison finally agreed to let me have the resources” Scott smiled at the look of confusion on Sara’s face “I wanted you to have somewhere to call home Sara, I know how important fresh air and good views are to you, I’ve seen how you have no privacy because you’re the Pathfinder, I wanted somewhere you could come and just be Sara.”

Sara felt the tears roll down her face, she pulled her Brother into a tight hug, feeling his strong arms wrap round her a familiar sense of security.  
“Scott, this is incredible, I don’t know what to say”

“Let me show you around!” Scott was off, his enthusiasm bubbling over as he explained how he’d built her little bolt hole. The inside was an open plan kitchen and lounge, small but functional, minimalist but cosy, all around light flooded through windows which picture framed the views beyond. A small wet room was housed behind the kitchen, Sara knew the large drenching shower head would blast the skin off her back just how she liked it.

A small ladder led up to a mezzanine floor, the pitched roof giving the space a secluded warmth, Sara lay on the bed looking out through the triangular glazed gable end of the building, it was like she was floating, the whole of Meridian lay before her.

Sara pulled herself away and went back downstairs to find Scott rummaging in the fridge. He popped the cap on two beers and handed one to her. “I know it’s only lunchtime” he said, “but you’re on vacation and this deserves a toast.”

“Scott, I love it, thank you” the words felt totally inadequate this was a heck of a surprise.

The pair settled next to each other on a bench on the deck at the front of Sara’s new home. Sara savoured the light bubbles and crisp taste of the beer, she hadn’t tasted something so good in a long time.

“Do you think Jaal will like it?” Scott asked, not looking at his sister.  
Sara paused, her beer halfway to her lips  
“Jaal?” she asked, confused.  
“Don’t be shy” Scott nudged her with her elbow “two Tempest holdalls by the door, two mugs of tea on the side, the shower running whilst you’re fully clothed, and I know I’m more Gil’s type.”

Sara swallowed hard, her beer suddenly catching like a bitter pill in her throat “It’s not Jaal Scott” Sara’s voice no more than a whisper. Her fingernails found the edge of the bottle label, picking at it to distract from her discomfort.

“Then who?” Scott asked carefully.

Sara felt the rush of blood in her ears, she thought she might vomit, instead she opened her mouth and the words fell out, tumbling over one another “I’m gay.”  
Sara shut her eyes, it was out there. She could feel Scott’s body rocking slightly, what was he trying to supress, she cautioned a sideways look at her Brother, a broad smile on his face.

Scott couldn’t take it any longer the laughter he’d been trying to hold in escaped “you want to try telling me something I don’t know?”  
Sara stared, she couldn’t quite believe her ears. “But… what?”

“Give me a break Sara, you didn’t think I’d noticed you checking out girls the way I do? You didn’t think me or Mom, maybe not Dad, could tell how besotted you were with your best friend at school?” Scott took a long drawn out pull from his beer before continuing, a darkness to his tone “You didn’t fool me with whatever was going on between you and that scumbag Adam.” There, he sighed, he’d said what he’d been desperate to say for years.

“Be honest with me Sara, what happened? One minute you’re the big sister I’ve always known, the next you go to a Prothean dig site, and come back a shadow of yourself and with a prick in tow” Scott practically spat the last part.

“I thought you were friends” Sara replied meekly.  
“Friends?” Scott laughed “so this guy that I’ve never met turns up in my room telling me all about how he’s boning my Sister and that he hopes we can get along.”  
“Sara, he was awful, I had to watch him all over you and you just accepted it, I could tell you weren’t happy, you hardly spoke, your relationship was worse than Mom and Dad’s. I didn’t understand what was going on but with everything at home and you getting other postings I never got a chance to pin you down on it. Then you bottled him in an alley.”  
Sara stared at her brother. Her mouth opened and closed, not being able to find the words. She drained the rest of her beer trying to steady herself.  
“Scott, he…“ Sara couldn’t say the words.  
“Did he rape you?” Sara flinched as if the words had whipped across her face.

“No” she said finally, “it happened at the dig site, we’d gone climbing after our shift, we were on a portaledge overnight, both in harnesses, pretty hard on the access front” Sara smiled weakly “he was just all over me Scott, I don’t really want to think about it but yeah. Then he made out like it was fine and he was telling everyone we were together, I didn’t know how to escape. I wish I’d killed him.” Sara added flatly.

“You don’t mean that Sara” Scott soothed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“I fucking do Scott, that bastard made me retreat so far into myself I couldn’t tell the difference between pain and pleasure, I couldn’t feel anything! I stopped climbing, I stopped doing things that made me happy because of him.” Sara paused, trying to steady her breathing “he’s been dead 600 years and I’m still carrying that shit around, I still feel scared to let go because I’m still so angry.” Hot tears pricked at the edges of eyes, she felt Scott pull her in closer.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Sara, I’m sorry I didn’t push harder for answers” Scott muttered into her hair.  
“Not you as well” Sara sighed “stop apologising, I made my choices, I did my best, I just, I just want to let it go now. I’m a million miles away from that, it’s just I knew that having to tell you I’m gay would bring up questions about him and I wasn’t ready to face that.” Sara shook herself, feeling relief wash over her.

Scott nodded “so errm” he paused “who’s the lucky lady?” he grinned at the blush rising in his sister’s cheeks.  
“Lexi” Sara said simply “and she’ll love it here Scott.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thanks for taking the time to engage with my work <3


End file.
